Got a toothbrush?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
