dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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