The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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