I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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