she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
