Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
