I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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