Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
