I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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