Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
