i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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