this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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