Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
