He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
