Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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