just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
