I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
