Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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