I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
