Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
