I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
