she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
cat food counts as protein by the way
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
