Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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