some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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