i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
