My underwear smells like fireworks.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
