I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't EVER smell your tampon
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
