I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize