worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize