last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
