I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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