nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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