you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
