Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
