i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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