In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
