Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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