Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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