you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
