just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
