i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ladies don't puke and tell
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
