A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
