Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
