check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize