:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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