So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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