Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
