If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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