Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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