so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
