I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
