I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
