you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
