not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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