I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
