It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
