Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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