yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
