I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
True strength comes from lack of pants
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
