masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
