how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize