Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
