Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
