I hate your face
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
