I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
