i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
