You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
