Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize