Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
