Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
