i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
