is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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