I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
