I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The adults are the big ones right?
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