I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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