this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let's get the cat blown out
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
