I looked at my own cervix.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
