she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
farters have to be the big spoon...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's the barista slut.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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