Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
