The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
