walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
