if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize