Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
