You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
