Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
