If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
