I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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