I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
