well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
