Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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