Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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