Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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