I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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