He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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