Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
