he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
