just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
