Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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