I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
