Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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