Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
