remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
