I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize