She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize