I think my vagina is haunted
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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