Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I cannot find my penis.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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