Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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