So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
