Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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