i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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