You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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