Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
